It seems like I’m in this constant state , constant cycle of wanting to start over again , of wanting to clear everything up . I have this constant urge to wipe everything clean and act as if it’s always been that way . Understanding why I want this isn't the most simplistic thing I've ever tried to figure out . I can’t grasp why I want every single day to be a brand new one . However reason or no reason , it’s that way indefinitely , I think . I guess I long for perfection . I long for things to go the way that I've wanted , and the way that I deserve . Asking the question , ”Am I happy ?” to myself is more complex than you think . In some aspects , I am . While in others , I'm not . The negatives outweigh the positives in that particular interrogative . Engrossing myself with material things , friends , and hobbies doesn't leave me ”happy” , or anything remotely close . I know that I've not got a harsh life , but if two people with completely different circumstances go to sleep at night thinking , ”No , this isn't working for me” , then aren't they the same ? At least in how they feel ? I was just under the impression that regardless of your life , if you aren't content with it then you’re allowed to feel so , and you’re allowed to change it . But because most of us feel safe and secure with things "the way they are" , when changes occurs , we'll find it hard to let go of what we had .